The Only Strategy You Need to Achieve True Confidence Before Marriage
- Kimberly Smiley
- Jun 22
- 7 min read
I see you, googling “What questions should we ask before marriage?” or “Are we really ready?” while juggling guest lists and engagement photos.
If you’ve ever wished for a checklist that tells you exactly what you need to talk about before saying “I do,” you’re not alone—and you're definitely not behind.
Here’s the truth:
Most couples assume they’ll naturally work everything out. But the strongest, happiest marriages don’t rely on chance. They follow a strategy—a simple framework I call The Confident Couple Strategy.
It’s the approach I teach all my engaged clients, and it’s the exact mindset shift that can help you walk down the aisle knowing you've covered all the right conversations, clarified expectations, and created true alignment where it counts.
So grab a protein coffee (my current favorite), and let’s dive into the only marriage prep strategy you need to feel confident and connected—before your wedding day.
Clarify Your Marriage Goals
Before we dig into the strategy, let’s talk about where you’re headed.
Most couples come to me saying, “We just want to make sure we’ve talked about everything before we get married.” They’re not wrong—clarity and communication are the foundation of a lasting relationship.
But if you’ve struggled with knowing what to ask or where to start, it might be because you haven’t clearly defined your goals for preparing for marriage.
Ask yourselves:
What do we want our marriage to feel like a year from now?
What fears or uncertainties do we want to feel resolved before the wedding?
Are there any important conversations we’ve been avoiding?
By getting clear on your end goal—confidence and alignment in your relationship—you’ll begin the journey with intention, not guesswork.
🎁 Freebie Time: Want a head start?
I created a free guide called “The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask (That Can Make or Break a Marriage).” It’s the perfect jumpstart to meaningful conversations.
👉 Grab it now and begin preparing with purpose.
What is The Confident Couple Strategy?
You might think this strategy is only for couples who are struggling—or those in therapy. It’s not.
The Confident Couple Strategy is for any couple who wants to walk into marriage knowing they’ve covered all the right ground—no second-guessing, no surprises six months in.
To put it simply, this strategy is a guided path toward clarity, communication, and connection—so you can prepare for marriage with intention, not anxiety.
The Only Strategy You Need: The Confident Couple Strategy
Remember when we clarified your goals above? Yep—that was your first step. High five! 🙌
Seriously, I love checking things off of my to-do list before I even get started, don’t you? So let’s keep the momentum going and see what else we can cross off that list.
Ready? Let’s dig in.
The Confident Couple Strategy – Part #1: Be Committed to the Practice of Growing Your Communication Skills
Strong communication isn’t something couples master in a weekend workshop and never revisit. It’s a lifelong practice—one that evolves as your relationship does.
Studies from The Gottman Institute show that couples who regularly check in and adjust how they communicate report significantly higher relationship satisfaction and emotional intimacy over time. In fact, how you communicate during conflict is one of the biggest predictors of marital success.
💡 Want a simple visual to try? Explore the “soft start-up” technique from the Gottmans—it’s a game-changer when tensions are high. Click Here to Learn More!
When you commit to improving your communication skills over time, you create a relationship where both partners feel safe, understood, and respected—even during disagreement.
Here’s what this looks like in real life:
You recognize that your communication style might need to shift when new stressors (like career changes or parenting) arise.
You stay curious about how your partner processes emotions or receives feedback.
You keep the lines open—especially when things are hard.
My favorite way to build this habit? Weekly communication rituals. Start with something simple like:
A “Friday Feelings Check-In”
A Sunday sync about the week ahead
Or even using a shared note to leave affirmations and reflections throughout the week
The Confident Couple Strategy – Part #2: Stop Avoiding the Hard Conversations
Let’s be honest: no one wants to have tough conversations about money, sex, family, or future goals. And yet… those are exactly the conversations that make or break a marriage.
Still, so many engaged couples hope they’ll figure it out later. Or worse—they assume if they haven’t hit major conflict yet, they’re in the clear.
But here's the truth:
Avoiding these topics doesn’t keep your relationship safe. It just makes misunderstandings more likely when the stakes are higher.
I know firsthand how tempting it is to dodge the “big stuff.” Back when I got married, I didn’t even know premarital counseling was an option. I assumed love and commitment would be enough to carry us through. But there were so many conversations we skipped that would have saved us from confusion, stress, and unmet expectations later on.
It wasn’t until I began working with couples professionally—diving deep into the most common points of disconnect—that I realized the power of tackling these issues before they cause real friction.
You may not be able to stop the discomfort that comes with vulnerability right away—and that’s okay. But you can create a safe space to start the process together. Bit by bit, it becomes easier—and the reward is real: more trust, more clarity, and more emotional intimacy.
💬 Here’s how to get started with confidence:
Step 1: Grab my $7 guide, Top 10 Conversations for Engaged Couples This resource walks you through 10 of the most important topics couples often avoid—like money management, family roles, sex and intimacy, parenting values, and spiritual beliefs.
Step 2: Choose one topic to explore each week for the next month Don’t rush through it—these conversations take time and reflection. Set aside 30–45 minutes, and take turns sharing openly.
Step 3: Pair each conversation with a fun, no-pressure activity Order your favorite takeout. Go for a long walk. Sit on the back porch with coffee. This keeps the energy light and focused on connection—not performance.
Step 4: Keep a shared notes doc or journal of key takeaways Write down what you learned, where you align, and what needs further discussion. That way, you’re not just having conversations—you’re building a roadmap for your marriage.
You don’t need to do it perfectly. You just need to start. And if you want to fast-track these essential conversations, the Top 10 Conversations guide will walk you through exactly what to say, what to ask, and how to find shared alignment—together.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to keep learning—together.
The Confident Couple Strategy – Part #3: Create Rituals of Connection That Last
Preparing for marriage isn’t just about checking off boxes—it’s about building relational habits that keep you close and connected for the long haul.
One of the most impactful things couples can do before the wedding is to create rituals of connection. These are small, intentional habits that create rhythm, safety, and deeper emotional intimacy—not just now, but well into married life.
Think of it this way: when life gets busy (and it will), your rituals become anchors. They hold you steady when everything else feels like it’s changing.
But here’s the key—during your engagement, these rituals don’t just keep you connected… they help you do the work.
This is the perfect season to talk through the important stuff: finances, family dynamics, intimacy, future plans, expectations. Instead of saying “we’ll figure it all out as we go,” use your rituals now to talk through what matters most—before the wedding day.
Because let’s be honest—“figuring it out later” often leads to avoidable stress, miscommunication, and unmet expectations. The couples who thrive long-term are the ones who start the hard conversations early—and revisit them often.
💛 Here are some rituals I recommend to support both connection and communication:
The Sunday Sync A weekly check-in to review your calendar, talk through priorities, and plan quality time together. Use this space to align your expectations for the week and stay emotionally in tune.
The Midweek Micro-Check-In A 5-minute pause midweek to ask: “How are we feeling about us?” It’s short, sweet, and keeps the emotional dust from settling too long.
The Shared Wins Jar Each week, write down something that went well in your relationship—big or small. At the end of the month, read them together. It’s a powerful way to stay grateful and grounded.
Conversation Night Set aside 30–45 minutes to talk through one major topic from your marriage prep checklist. Use your rituals to create a supportive space for these important discussions.
📝 Need help knowing which topics to cover before the big day? Grab my free guide, “The Premarital Prep Checklist”—it’s the perfect jumpstart for those conversations that often get overlooked. 👉 Download it HERE!
The truth is, strong marriages aren’t built on the hope that things will magically fall into place. They’re built on purpose, alignment, and shared effort. Start now, with small steps that help you talk about what matters most—before you say “I do.”
These rituals are more than habits. They’re investments in the relationship you’re building for a lifetime.
Conclusion
Imagine walking into your wedding day with full confidence—not because you hope things will work out, but because you know you’ve laid the foundation to thrive.
That’s what The Confident Couple Strategy offers.
It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being prepared.
💬 Have questions about preparing for marriage or starting your own confident couple journey?
Let’s talk on...
Instagram: @atlantamarriageprep
Or...
Email: drkimsmiley@gmail.com
📚 Related Reading: 7 Reasons Every Engaged Couple Needs the “Top 10 Conversations” Guide
💛 Don’t forget to download your FREE conversation jumpstart guides:
🎁The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask
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