Why Every Engaged Couple Needs Premarital Counseling (Even If You Think You're Fine)
- Kimberly Smiley
- Aug 7
- 4 min read
"We don’t really argue. We’re totally in sync. We’ve got this."
If that sounds like you, first—congratulations. It’s a great sign that you’re starting your relationship from a place of connection and peace. But here’s the truth: it’s not just struggling couples who benefit from premarital counseling. In fact, the strongest, happiest, most prepared couples are often the ones who actively choose to invest in their relationship before problems arise.
Think of it this way—if you were about to build a dream home, would you start pouring concrete without a blueprint just because the land looks solid? Of course not. Premarital counseling is your relationship blueprint. It’s the intentional planning that ensures your love story is built to last—through every high and every hard season.
In this post, we’re busting the biggest myths about counseling before marriage, explaining why “low-conflict” doesn’t mean “low-risk,” and revealing what healthy, aligned couples gain from investing in relationship coaching before they say “I do."
4 Big Myths About Premarital Counseling (And Why They're Flat-Out Wrong)
Let’s clear something up: Premarital counseling doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. In fact, many of the couples I work with say they’re in a great place—which is exactly why the work we do is so powerful. Let’s bust some of the most common myths I hear all the time.
Myth #1: “Premarital counseling is only for couples with problems.” Premarital counseling isn't a last-ditch effort to save a relationship—it's a proactive, growth-focused experience designed to set you up for long-term success. Think of it like pre-season training for athletes. You’re already a good team. Counseling helps you become a great one.
Myth #2: “We already know everything about each other.” You probably do know a lot—but knowing your partner’s favorite takeout order and favorite show to binge is different from knowing how they process stress, how they want to raise kids, or how they handle disappointment. Counseling opens up guided conversations you might not even know you need to have.
Myth #3: “It’ll just be awkward or uncomfortable.” Good counseling isn’t about judgment or finger-pointing—it’s about creating a safe space to grow together. And when it’s done well (like in my program), it actually feels empowering, productive, and even fun. Many couples leave sessions saying, “We didn’t know how much we needed that.”
Myth #4: “We’ll figure it out as we go.” This can be an “okay” strategy—until it’s not. I’ve seen couples who felt aligned at the start but found themselves in full-blown crisis a year or two into marriage. I always encourage couples to get their expectations out in the open now—so they can work toward alignment before the wedding.
What Healthy Couples Gain From Counseling Before Marriage
When a relationship is going well, it can feel counterintuitive to bring in a third party. But counseling before marriage isn’t about fixing problems. It’s about building tools before you need them.
Healthy couples gain:
Communication and conflict resolution tools they’ll use for years
Clarity on unspoken expectations around money, roles, and more
Deeper emotional and physical connection
A sense of teamwork and shared commitment
Support to talk through the big stuff—before it becomes a roadblock
Bottom line? Happy couples don’t avoid the hard conversations. They just choose to have them earlier, and with support.
If you’re wondering where to start or what questions you might be missing—I've got you covered.
🎁 Grab my free guide: The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask (That Can Make or Break a Marriage). These questions go deeper than typical compatibility checks and open up the kinds of conversations that build lasting alignment.
Why Waiting Until There’s a Problem Is Too Late
Most couples wait until something feels off before seeking support. But by that point, you’re working to repair damage instead of preventing it.
You wouldn’t wait for your car to break down before you ever checked the engine. You take preventive steps—because it’s easier, cheaper, and far less stressful than dealing with a crisis.
Marriage is no different.
Some of the most heartbreaking situations I’ve seen come from couples who truly loved each other but simply weren’t prepared for the real-life stressors that followed the honeymoon. Silent assumptions, mismatched expectations, and a lack of tools can create distance fast.
Waiting doesn’t make you stronger. It makes things harder. The sooner you invest in preparation, the stronger your foundation will be.
How Premarital Counseling Works (And What to Expect)
If you’ve never experienced it before, premarital counseling might feel a little mysterious. Here’s what it actually looks like:
🛠️ Skill-building, not problem-solving: You’ll learn tools for communication, conflict, support, and more.
💬 Guided conversations: Explore topics like money, sex, decision-making, and future goals in a structured, supported space.
❤️ A safe place to go deeper: Counseling helps uncover values, assumptions, and hopes that often stay hidden.
🔄 Clarity and connection: The process strengthens your emotional bond and prepares you for the road ahead.
In my practice, I use a research-backed, personalized approach that feels more like coaching than therapy. It’s goal-focused, skills-based, and tailored to the unique needs of each couple.
The Empowering Truth
Premarital counseling isn’t about pointing out flaws—it’s about unlocking potential. It’s a way to say: “We love each other enough to prepare, to be intentional, and to build something that lasts.”
Because this isn’t just about saying “I do.” It’s about saying, “We’re ready. We’ve got the tools. We’re in this together.”
Ready to Take the Next Step?
👉 Schedule a free consultation to learn how personalized premarital coaching can support your relationship.
📥 Or grab your free guide: The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask and get started today.
Not Quite Ready for Live Coaching?
That’s okay! If you’re still warming up to the idea of one-on-one sessions, here are some flexible ways to begin preparing:
📘 Grab a free resource and work through it together
📝 Join the waitlist for my Premarital Prep Masterclass, a flexible, self-paced course you can complete together on your own schedule
No matter where you start, the most important thing is that you do start. Your future marriage is worth it.
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