7 Relationship Myths That Might Be Holding You Back (And What to Believe Instead)

"Goldfish have a 3-second memory." "Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis." "Lightning never strikes the same place twice."

Most myths are harmless. But relationship myths? Not so much.

When you’re planning your future with someone, the last thing you need is outdated or unrealistic advice guiding your decisions. And yet, so many engaged couples enter marriage believing things that sound romantic—but simply aren’t true.

At best, these myths create mild confusion. At worst, they set you up for unnecessary conflict, unmet expectations, and emotional distance.

So let’s bust a few of the most common relationship myths—the kind I hear from engaged and soon-to-be-engaged couples all the time—and replace them with the truth that will actually help you build the strong, resilient partnership you're hoping for.

Myth #1: “If we’re truly in love, everything will just work out.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful: This myth creates a dangerously passive approach to love. It tells couples that love is enough—without communication, without compromise, and without effort. So when challenges arise (as they inevitably do), couples who believe this myth often assume something must be wrong with the relationship, instead of realizing it’s simply time to grow together.

✅ What’s Actually True:

Love is a powerful foundation, but it’s not a self-maintaining system. Marriage is a living relationship that evolves over time. It requires tools, communication, shared effort, and flexibility. The strongest couples aren't the ones who never struggle; they’re the ones who know how to reconnect, realign, and repair.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Begin with the mindset that your relationship deserves proactive care. Just like you wouldn’t expect a beautiful garden to thrive without tending, your connection needs intentional support. Want a simple way to start? Grab my free guide, “The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask,” and use it to start deepening your conversations now.

👉 Download the guide here.

Myth #2: “We’ll figure it out along the way.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This mindset may sound relaxed or low-pressure, but it often leads to unspoken expectations, avoidable tension, and frustration that could have been addressed early on. It can create the illusion of peace while important differences simmer beneath the surface.

✅ What’s Actually True:

There’s wisdom in staying open to learning as you go—but when it comes to the core of your relationship (like values, finances, sex, parenting, and roles), clarity ahead of time prevents many future conflicts. You can absolutely leave space for growth while planning intentionally.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Don’t avoid important conversations—prioritize them. Use tools like my Top 10 Conversations for Engaged Couples guide to walk through the biggest topics that most couples skip. It’s a step-by-step roadmap for navigating the things that matter most before the wedding.

👉 Grab the $7 Guide Here

Myth #3: “If we need counseling before the wedding, then our relationship is already in trouble.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This myth keeps couples from getting support exactly when they need it most—before stress patterns become habits. It equates asking for help with failure and places a stigma around preparation.

✅ What’s Actually True:

Seeking support isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of wisdom. Premarital coaching and counseling are about building skills, not fixing brokenness. In fact, couples who go through premarital counseling are significantly more likely to have long-term marital satisfaction and resilience.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Reframe premarital coaching as relationship training. You don’t wait until your car breaks down to learn how to drive—so why wait until your marriage is struggling to build a toolkit for success? Schedule a consultation to learn more about my approach to premarital coaching.

👉 Schedule a Consultation

Myth #4: “Sex should always be spontaneous.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This myth creates unrealistic expectations about intimacy and leads couples to feel like something’s wrong if desire doesn’t appear magically or frequently. When life gets busy (which it will), spontaneity tends to fade—and shame or disappointment can sneak in.

✅ What’s Actually True:

In long-term relationships, intimacy is often something we create, not something we wait for. Planning for sex or intentionally creating space for physical and emotional connection isn’t unromantic—it’s a sign that you prioritize your bond.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Talk openly about your intimacy preferences, schedules, and needs. Make space for both physical and non-sexual intimacy. If you're not sure how to have that conversation, use my premarital guide or coaching sessions to walk through it together with ease and respect.

Myth #5: “I shouldn’t have to tell my partner what I need—they should just know.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This myth leads to disappointment, resentment, and emotional distance. It assumes mind-reading is a requirement for love, and places unrealistic pressure on both partners to “just know” what the other wants.

✅ What’s Actually True:

Healthy communication requires clarity. Your partner can care deeply for you and still not know what you need—especially if your love languages or backgrounds are different. Expressing your needs isn’t nagging—it’s nurturing the relationship.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Practice expressing your needs with kindness and specificity. Start with something simple like, “It would really mean a lot to me if…” or “When you do X, I feel supported because…” Use your weekly check-ins to make this feel natural, not heavy.

Myth #6: “The relationship should always feel easy and organic.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This myth makes people panic when things start to feel hard. They assume struggle = incompatibility, rather than understanding that every long-term relationship will hit bumps, disconnects, and growing pains.

✅ What’s Actually True:

Relationships have seasons. Some feel effortless. Others require more communication, more patience, and more flexibility. That doesn’t mean something is wrong—it means you’re human and growing together.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Accept that effort is normal—and even healthy. Don’t aim for “easy” as your goal. Aim for connection, alignment, and mutual support. Tools like rituals of connection and shared planning can keep you grounded during the more difficult seasons.

Myth #7: “Never go to bed angry.”

⚠️ Why It’s Harmful:

This well-meaning advice pressures couples to resolve conflict before they’re ready. It can lead to forced conversations at midnight, emotional fatigue, or saying things you don’t mean just to “check the box” before falling asleep.

✅ What’s Actually True:

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is take a pause. Rest, reflect, and revisit the conversation when you’re both calmer and more grounded. What matters most isn’t the timing of conflict resolution—it’s the tone and intention behind it.

💡 What To Do Instead:

Agree on a conflict ritual: If something feels unresolved, say, “Let’s pause this and talk in the morning. I’m not walking away—I just want us to be clear-headed.” This builds emotional safety and trust, even during disagreement.

Wrapping It Up

There you have it: 7 relationship myths that can quietly sabotage even the most loving of connections—especially during the engagement season.

As you’ve seen, preparing for marriage isn’t about ignoring red flags, hoping for the best, or believing the fairy tales. It’s about having the right conversations, setting shared expectations, and learning the tools to support one another for the long haul.

I hope this post helps you let go of outdated advice and unrealistic expectations, so you can move toward a marriage rooted in confidence, clarity, and connection.

💬 Now, over to you:

Which of these myths surprised you the most—or hit closest to home?

👇 Drop a comment or join me over on Instagram @atlantamarriageprep to share your thoughts and connect with other couples on the same journey.

💡 And if you’re ready to start the right conversations now, don’t miss my free guide:

“The 3 Questions Engaged Couples Never Ask (That Can Make or Break Your Marriage)”

👉 Download your free guide now

Your future marriage deserves more than good intentions—it deserves preparation, alignment, and trust. Let’s get you there, together.