3 New Relationship Coaching Strategies I’ve Been Loving (and One I’m Letting Go)
- Kimberly Smiley
- May 24
- 4 min read
You can’t teach an old relationship coach new tricks… or can you?
Over the past few months, I’ve been noticing something. While I’ve continued supporting engaged couples with communication, conflict resolution, and alignment strategies, I started to feel like some of my go-to tools needed a refresh.
It wasn’t burnout—but more like a whisper that said: “It’s time to grow.”
So, I began experimenting—exploring new techniques, revisiting old research with fresh eyes, and testing a few things in my coaching sessions. And what I found has truly reignited my passion for this work.
Today, I’m sharing 3 new things I’ve been loving in my coaching approach—and one thing I’m officially retiring (despite how popular it is in the relationship space). Can you guess what it is?
Keep reading…
Why Trying New Things in Relationship Coaching Matters
As someone who’s worked with hundreds of couples over two decades, I’ve learned that even the most experienced coaches benefit from stepping back and asking: “Is this still the most effective way to serve my clients?”
When I tried a more collaborative feedback process with one of my couples recently, something clicked. Instead of just following my lead, they felt empowered to shape their own relationship blueprint. The result? Deeper buy-in. More growth. And tools they actually used between sessions.
Staying curious and open has helped me grow—and helps my clients feel seen, heard, and excited to do the work.
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Let’s get into the 3 things I’ve been loving lately.
#1. New Strategy: Reframing Conflict as Collaboration
For years, I emphasized de-escalation and active listening—and those are still powerful. But lately, I’ve been coaching couples to think of conflict as a shared puzzle, not a problem. Instead of “me vs. you,” we’re shifting to “us vs. the issue.”
Example: A couple arguing about how to manage holiday time with their families reframed it like this: “How can we create a plan that honors both of our values?” That small mindset shift led to less defensiveness and more creativity.
Try this: The next time you feel tension rising, say: “How can we solve this together?” It’s simple—but incredibly effective.
#2. New Strategy: Conversation Rituals That Build Connection
Instead of waiting for couples to schedule big, heavy check-ins, I’ve been teaching mini “conversation rituals” to weave into their week.
✨ 3-minute morning check-ins. ✨ Post-dinner reflection questions. ✨ Playful prompts on Sunday evenings.
These small rituals build connection and reduce the “emotional distance” that often sneaks in over time. They also help prevent disconnection before it starts.
One couple I worked with now shares one appreciation and one curiosity each night before bed. It’s changed everything.
#3. New Strategy: Visualizing Connection with the Couple Connection Model
I’ve started incorporating more visual aids—like the Couple Connection Model and relationship balance charts—to help couples see where they’re thriving and where they need support.
One of the most eye-opening tools I use is a set of overlapping circles that illustrate three common relationship dynamics:
Healthy interdependence (a balanced overlap),
Enmeshment (too much overlap), and
Disconnection (no overlap at all).
When couples see their dynamic visually, it often clicks. One couple recently told me, “This helped us understand our relationship more than any conversation ever has.”
Sometimes, a simple visual can spark a deeper realization than an hour of dialogue. And that’s where the magic happens.
(Psst: The Couple Connection Model will be part of my new digital resources launching soon—stay tuned!)
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Bonus! What I’m Letting Go: Generic Relationship Advice
You know the kind: “Never go to bed angry.” “Always communicate your needs.” “Compromise is key.”
While these are well-meaning, they’re not always helpful—or true for every couple. I’ve realized that many of my clients feel overwhelmed or even judged by this one-size-fits-all advice.
So I’m shifting away from blanket statements, and instead guiding couples to co-create customized solutions based on their personalities, history, and goals.
✨ Instead of “Always compromise,” we ask: “Where is it okay to bend, and where do you need firm boundaries?”
✨ Instead of “Communicate everything,” we explore when, how, and how often communication feels meaningful for them.
Letting go of generic advice has helped me help my clients create more lasting change—their way.
Key Takeaways
In relationships—and in coaching—trying new strategies can spark incredible results. You don’t need to do a total overhaul. Sometimes, just a few small shifts can bring fresh connection, insight, and momentum.
✨ Want to explore how these strategies could work for you and your partner? Book a consultation here: https://calendly.com/drksmiley/consultation
✨ Or download my free resource, “The 3 Questions Many Engaged Couples Never Ask (That Can Make or Break a Marriage),” right here: https://training.atlantamarriageprep.com/roadmap-blueprint
Here at Atlanta Marriage Prep, I’m all about helping couples build strong, customized foundations for a lifelong, resilient love.
I’d love to hear: Which one of these strategies stood out most to you?
Leave a comment or connect with me on Instagram or Pinterest. 💬💛
Want to know more about premarital coaching? Reach out here drkimsmiley@gmail.com with any questions or comments.
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